Take Test to See if You are Infatuated

Check off the number of items you are experiencing with your lover.

  • You can stay up all night talking.
  • People, places and time seem to fade away into the background.
  • You feel more optimistic about the future and enthusiast about life.
  • You feel better about yourself and have more self-confidence.
  • You have more energy and don’t need as much sleep.
  • You have an increased libido and an unexplainable, overpowering lust for them.
  • You feeling a sense of completion and wholeness.

  • You feel anxious, a little down, have self-doubts and a loss of energy.
  • You have difficulty concentrating; thoughts of them become invasive, repetitive and all-consuming.
  • You are jealous and suspicions about what they do and who they are with.
  • You have nagging uncertainties about whether they really love you.
  • You do things you normally would never do; like drive past their home, call and hang up, look through their cell phone, or try to catch them in a lie.
  • Any contact from them in the form of a text, email, or phone message is exciting and feels like a shot of adrenaline.

  • You’re devastated and feel there is no point to living any more.
    (Take solace. In a year, you’ll say “what was I thinking?!?”)

 

 

infatuationIf you answered yes to four or more of the above, you are infatuated.

And here you thought all those intense feelings signified that you were meant to be together, were soul mates and that this kind of love had never been experienced by another couple on the planet!

I have some good and bad news. First the good news – this relationship may mature in time and gradually lead to a lifelong, healthy and fulfilling relationship. The bad news is – your brain is playing tricks on you.

Scientific Explanation for What You’re Feeling

When you are infatuated, your brain gets a huge surge of dopamine which literally changes the wiring in your brain. It activates the pleasure centers and stimulates the production of adrenaline. Synaptic neurotransmitters make the connection between your lover and the production of dopamine so it intensifies the desire for more.

Oxytocin is released during physical affection and orgasm which strengthens the feelings of bonding, trust, and emotional attachment. Combine all these chemicals together, and you have one intoxicating blend of euphoria that will override the region of the brain that governs logic.

Similarities of Infatuation to Narcotic Use

love drugBeing infatuated is remarkably similar to what a cocaine addict, or any narcotic user goes through. It’s not surprising because of some of the very same chemicals are released in the brain.

First Few Times: Characterized by feeling exceptionally good. The user feels happy, has more energy, enthusiasm, and sexual sensations. Everything feels right with the world when high.

Wanting Turns to Needing: They start to have difficulty concentrating. Withdrawals are mild to intense. The craving can cause the person to lose their ability to think clearly or reason logically. They notice it takes more to get the same high. When not using, they feel anxious, unsure, depressed, are less energetic and have difficulty sleeping.

Dysfunctional Behavior:  Users will do things they normally wouldn’t do, like sell or pawn previously enjoyed or needed items. They will beg, borrow or even steal items from friends, family and strangers to get the money for a fix. Any well-meaning friend trying to point out their destructive behavior is dismissed as pure nonsense or simply a misunderstanding.

The Problems with Infatuation

Missing parts of Reality: By exaggerating their virtues and downplaying their flaws, you are not seeing the whole person. Love is not blind. It sees all that is there and still loves.

Impaired Judgment: Like a junkie, you will go to unhealthy, sometimes humiliating lengths, to keep them.

Unsustainable: Dopamine requires novelty so you will eventually build up a tolerance after you get use to each other. It can take up to a year or two, but eventually, it will be harder to have the same buzz as you did in the beginning.

This is natural. When the chemical cocktail dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving one based in reality, or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends. People who jump from relationship to relationship are craving the intoxicating effects. They are “infatuation junkies”.

If you read “The World’s Best Definition of Love” article, you know real love is based on being fully aware of all your partner’s qualities. You can actually see the whole person, the good and the bad, and ugly. You love them in spite of, or because of, their struggles. It’s based on mutual trust, respect and affection.

How to Get Over Infatuation

how to stop being infatuatedIf you have broken up or it’s hard for you to imagine the relationship being anything long term, there are a few things you can do to overcome your addiction.

Be Active. Start doing all the things that use to bring you joy before you got involved with this individual. You had a life before you meant them. Get it back. The happier you are in your life, the less you will miss them.

Manage your stress. You may think you’re over them, then you have a really rough day, and you’ll catch yourself thinking about them. Stress inhibits your ability to think rationally. Do not contact them. Call a good friend or go out and have fun. Exercise!

Remove All Evidence. When a junkie is kicking the habit, it’s important for them to avoid triggers such as visiting the bar where they use to get high or passing the corner where they bought the drugs. They need to establish new routines, friends and activities. So do you. All reminders of them such as clothes, cards, rings, or anything that reminds you of them should be removed from your life. I generally do not suggest avoidance, but in this case, it will make recovery easier.

Consciously Change Your Thoughts. You will think about them, there’s no avoiding that. What you can do is change WHAT you are thinking about them. Anytime you catch yourself fantasizing about how wonderful it was, make a list of all the things you didn’t like about them or the way they treated you. The wiring and chemicals in your brain may have a strong influence, but you are still the one in control.

Treat Yourself. For every week or month you go without seeing or contacting them, give yourself a reward. Create a little of your own dopamine by finding some joy.

Eventually, in time, you will be happy again. And in a few years, you’ll be able to look back on the relationship and see things you couldn’t see when you were high on dopamine. You’ll remember the whole story, not just the selective memory you have right now. You WILL get through this.

14 thoughts on “Take Test to See if You are Infatuated

  1. Ouch, I did the test and there were only a couple I didn’t tick! Worse for me is that she works for me, so see her everyday. She’s married. I was until a year ago. She reciprocated our ‘relationship’ (nothing physical has ever happened) for 6 months, but has now gone cold. We agreed if we wanted to stop we’d talk about it. I think she’s decided not to take that option. Used to enjoy work, don’t anymore. Struggling big time

  2. Thank you for sharing as this blog has become very therapeutic. My experience was almost “paranoia” whenever we were apart. In addition to the checklist, I would check my phone every 5mins, every time my phone alerts, I would hope it is from her. If I don’t hear from her in a while (ranging from 1 hr to 10 hrs), I would have thoughts that she was cheating or doing something bad. Wishing if only I had spycam and access to her email, txt, messenger, etc. I would overanalyze almost every message, trying to gauge how much she really loves and misses me. I would do destructive things like delete her contact and tell myself, I will never contact her, only to get a “high” feeling when she did contact me. It took me almost 6 months to deal with my destructive behavior. I’m happy to report that she and I have a healthy relationship and I confesses my situation with her. I recently saw a comedic movie featuring this exact thing, “Lovesick” with Matt Leblanc.

  3. I may be feeling infatuation. I’ve know this beautiful girl for a little over a month and in the past two weeks we have been inseparable. We connect on so many levels and have a lot in common it seems like the real deal to me. Could this be a blossoming love or just infatuation?

  4. This article is so true. The thing that drives me crazy is the paranoid feeling. I am constantly checking my phone to see if she has txt, msg’ed or called me like every 5 mins. If she doesn’t, I have thoughts she is doing something bad even though I know she isn’t. I hate feeling so insecure.

  5. Hi this site really helped me I am so obsessed with my girlfriend like wanting to see her and talk to her every minute but now im helped..Thank you

  6. Just wondering… is infatuation something that happens to younger people more often or is it as common in older people? and more often is it experienced by females or males? ..

  7. Ive been trying to kick the habit I have of thinking about this girl… shes much younger than me but she was my first proper relationship and I was hers. Problem is I am best friends with her brothers, speak to them daily and see her nearly as much. I managed to go cold turkey and downright go full bastard and block her out of my life (she would be on and off about our relationship, pulling away a lot), she always has another bf. This past new years there was a party at her place and she got drunk and spent the night cuddling me. She had a bf at the time (he wasnt there) and later went on to say that she was sorry, it should never have happened and it was a mistake. I feel like a druggy who constantly walks past a vaporized version of my drug daily. This has been 2 years of time I will not get back, and it does not seem to be over. Thanks for the heads up though, ticking every checkbox might be enough of a worry to kick this

  8. Reading this really inspire me. It’s exactly what I feel, admiring someone like needing addictive, always wanting more but never enough. And now I know what my best friends always tell are true. Thankyou

  9. I am currently experiencing infatuation and it is completely destroying me, I am obseessed with that person but I cant seem to avoid them. everytime I try to distance myself I go into a state of extreme depression which is like hell for me, I feel like I’m going insane and I do stuff I never thought I would do and I just feel disgusted with myself.

  10. Seriously true… well I’m very much obsessed with a guy that gives me a lot of pain when he avoids me. It bothers me even more when i think he doesn’t even caring to bother about me …
    Yah, now I realize that it was just the DOPAMINE which controlled me…now i m gonna control my brain and get over dis crazy obsession for him!!!

  11. Thank you for this information. I have been involved with a guy from my younger years that I have always been interested in. He is about 4 yrs younger then me and I just did not know if it was a good decision to spend my time on him. Reading this information clarified my thoughts and now I know what I need to do thank you!

  12. Good day! This post could not be written any better!
    Reading this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept
    chatting about this. I will forward this write-up to him.
    Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

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